30 Words to Describe My Summer
Wall Rest Sleep Deep Baby Shame Grief Demons Disquiet Dark Tears Pink Poinciana Real Reclamation Revelation Bond Love Nirlamba Salamba No So Hum Brahmari Backbend Float Sun Rise Gratefulness Immense
Translated, that means it's been a little rough. I cried a lot, did a lot of soul searching, practiced SO HUM meditation to connect with my breath and quiet the internal voices, slept a lot, gave myself the time to rest, found the gem of Ahmad Jamal's Poinciana very comforting. At times I felt like I was standing with one foot on a 30 foot pole and there was vast, vacuum-like darkness all around. I saw nowhere to step with the other foot. It was crazy, I felt crazy.
I practiced supported (salamba) and unsupported (nirlamba) shoulderstand. This is a very good practice and I felt the calming effects in my body as I was able to experience feelings of peace and expansion, a welcome respite from the constricted feelings of anxiety and depression that were also at times like heavy cloaks on my back. If your body is able, unsupported shoulderstand is also very good for strengthening your back, neck and shoulders as well as your mental focus and concentration.
I shared my story. Truly, there was no way not to because just opening my mouth opened the door to tears. The beauty of this was that others shared their stories with me and offered loads of compassion and support. I reached out, and people reached back. That's how it works.
So, the life of a yogi. Sometimes revelation really sucks and transformation is tough, but what I can say is that it's worth it. Diving deep, I felt scared and ashamed and anxious. But when things fall apart, there's not much left to block the view, so seeing clearly is kind-of all your left with. And what I saw clearly was that I was not that. But I am that. So Hum.
"Although, we tend to equate evil with darkness, we should remember in the plant world roots grow in the dark. Darkness (and shadows) are as much a part of the natural order as light."
- one of my favorite quotes by Jocelyn Burnell.
While some of us are more "comfortable" in the shadows, I truly believe we all want to get out of our own way and live in the Light, free from the demons of judgement, perfectionism, conflict, anger, anxiety, depression, self-doubt... I do. Our purpose on this Earth is to connect with the divine source of all creation which is within us and within our capacity to experience.
SO the end of this short story is I feel a whole lot better and feel hopeful that, as I show up more fully and consistently for myself, I will be able to be there more fully for my friends, family, colleagues, clients - for YOU.
For those of you wondering, I will offer Essence of Yoga Youth Intensives and Essence of Yoga for adults workshops but not this year.
In the meantime, I'm relaxing, meditating, working out (loving the rowing machine), writing, and making the videos I have promised so many of you. Check out my YouTube channel and Facebook pages!
Keep breathing, keep practicing... Lots of love <3
